Scoo: See all evil

22nd November, 2003 - See all evil, hear all evil.

Both of my brothers are profoundly hearing impaired. Hearing aids don't help because the damage is intrinsic to the cochlear nerve (and here you thought the cochlear nerve had something to do with impotence). Growing up, it was obviously difficult for the whole family, but the older I get, the more convinced I am that they are faking it. No. Really. Looking back now, I can see it's been one big conspiracy. I mean, everytime someone was at the door, I'm the one that had to run and get it. Everytime the phone rang, I'm the one that had to drop everything, only to get stuck with a telemarketer. When my parents had differences, either with each other or with us, they would look expectantly at me to validate their arguments. At family get-togethers, Shaquil and Shezan could park themselves in front of the television, while I had to listen to Aunt Noor's health problems: flatulence, plantar warts and recurring boils.

The theme continues even though we've all moved out. On family vacations, I'm the one that has to answer 20 questions at the airport. I'm the one that gets hell if I don't call home. When my brothers get pulled over for speeding, they smile, point to their ears, make the universal "no-comprendre" sign and move on. Me, I have to rely on my sultry good looks.

One time, my mum and I went to the mall with Shaquil. He must have been 16 or 17 at the time. I was helping my mum pick out hair colour. Her main concern was that the colour on the box wouldn't be the shade she'd actually end up with. Shaquil had his back turned to us when my mum declared her brilliant idea:

"Why don't we try it on him first??! His hair is short, it grows fast and he needs a cut every 4 weeks."

At this point, Shaquil turned around. He looked at me, looked at my mum, looked at the box of hair colour in her hands, shrieked "AAAAAAAHHH!" and ran out of the store.

Now you may call it intuition, deduction or that built-in survival mechanism. I call it proof positive. He can hear alright. I just have to catch him at it.

Next time you come over, dear bros, Big Sister will be listening....

< Previous Next >